One Bullet Away – The Making of A Marine Officer (Part Two)

Nate Fick, former the United States Marine Corps Captain

其實小哈一直想著有空要把One Bullet Away裡印象深刻的段落整理出來，結果過了九個月(天啊？！)還是沒有....Orz 那，先把我筆記裡的東西貼出來好了，基本上是照書裡的順序作的筆記，雖然很片段，但是罪惡感比較不會那麼重。XD BTW，前一篇在這邊。

I wanted to go on a great adventure, to prove myself, to serve my country. I wanted to do something so hard that none could ever talked shit to me. In Athens or Sparta, my decision would have been easy. I felt as if I had been born too late. There was no longer a place in the world for a young man who wanted to wear armor and slay dragons. (p.4)

這段以前貼過了。Fick從軍的原因真的會讓人覺得他是個充滿理想的熱血青年！

"The Marines," my dad said, "will teach you everything I love you too much to teach you." (p.6)

Fick告訴父親他決定大學畢業後加入USMC，父親對他說了這麼一句話，讓他更堅定了自己的信念。

要進入USMC OCS(Officer Candidate School)基本體能必須至少達到275分，而滿分300分的標準是20下單槓（動作不標準不算）、兩分鐘內100下仰臥起坐，18分鐘內跑完3英哩（約4.82公里），重點是這三個項目要一口氣做完.....Fick第一次體能測驗拿了270分，掛在單槓這項目，把早餐都吐了出來。

The Marines' Hymn（不是The Marine Corps Hymn）有句歌詞"If the Army and the Navy ever look on Heaven's scenes, they'll find the streets are guarded by United States Marines."真的是有夠機車，怎麼樣都要損一下其他兵種就對了。XD

Captain Novack, a TV-perfect infantry officer, told us earnestly that our responsibilities as leaders would be three: to be ready when called, to win every time, and to return our marines to society better than they were when we got them. (p.48)

最後一點大概真的就是最困難的一點了吧，不然PTSD就不會這麼難搞了.....

The new lieutenant to meeting his first command was supposed to be like first love or losing your virginity. (p.62)

其實Fick滿幽默的，書裡常有很多有趣的論點。XD

Staff Sergeant Marine ended out consoling me, saying that the new gunny was a good Marine and he would enjoy working with mortars, even if they had low CDI factor. I took the bait. "What's CDI?" "Chicks dig it. Football team: high CDI. Chess club: low CDI. Platoon sergeant: high CDI. Mortar section: low CDI. Doesn't matter that mortars have all the firepower. Life's unfair. Didn't they teach you that in college?" (p.67)

Staff Sergeant Marine也是一個很妙的人，是Fick的第一個Gunny，也算是對他影響很大的人。老實說，我看到這段都笑出來了。

When I returned to the tower, Jim was standing over a cardboard box, looking disgusted. A Christmas card from the commander of U.S. naval forces in the Middle East, based in Bahrain, was taped to the outside. It was addressed to "U.S. Marine Platoon, Camp Rhino, Afghanistan." Inside were two dozen bags of microwave popcorn, an electric fan, and Jackie Collins novels with titles like Hollywood Husbands and The World Is Full of Married Men.

"Bro," he said as I climbed the stairs, "do you ever get the feeling that no one has a clue what we're doing out here?" (OBA p.137-38)

這是Fick派駐在阿富汗時發生的事，會貼這段單純是因為覺得有點荒謬，搞不清楚狀況的真的不是實際作戰的人....

My favorite time of the day was the early evening. After leaving the gym, I'd climb to the Dubuque's highest outside deck, just below the towering mast of radio antennas. There, on a rubber mat, Rudy Reyes led his trade mark conditioning workouts - stretching, abs, breathing, and more stretching.(p.70)

其實Fick去阿富汗時還是個單純的陸戰隊步兵排長，但是當時就有跟1st Recon接觸的機會了，誰知道後來會這麼有緣，就進了1st Recon。這是Rudy第一次出現在OBA裡，話說這段話怎麼看起來很像在做瑜伽，是說Rudy看起來好像很適合當瑜伽教練，至少精神層面是這樣。XD

小哈超愛豆知識，覺得這個還滿酷的，跟大家分享一下。Fick有提到塔里班怎麼在地雷區行進的技巧。他們會把人排成一直排，最前面的人拿著一塊大砂岩，每走一步，就把砂岩往地上丟，如果剛好有地雷，砂岩也不過就是炸開變成沙子，最前面的人頂多被震到或是暫時失聰，不會有太大的傷害，接下來把他換到隊伍的最後一位就好。塔里班好厲害， 這就是所謂的在地智慧嗎？

"If you screw up and get a marine killed tonight," he said without preamble, "I will personally put a bullet in your head." --from Cpt. Whitmer (p.95)

Fick在阿富汗第一次要出任務的當晚，連長對排長們說的話。

Patrick's first squad leader, Sergeant Tony Espera, sat next to Law. Espera had joined the Corps after working as a repo man in L.A. He looked unfazed and smiled when our eyes met. (p.96)

Fick第一次和Poke碰面的情景，那時候Poke也還不是1st Recon的人，而是Fick的好朋友，另外一位排長Patrick English排裡的一位班長。據說Poke會加入1st Recon，是因為Iceman很欣賞他，特地推薦他把他拉進1st Recon的喔。

"I can enter to win tickets to the Olympics." "Which ones?" Jim had opted to pass on dinner and was drinking coffee instead. "Summer Games Barcelona. 1992. This fucking MRE is ten years old" "Enjoy that omelet, bro." (p.105)

哈哈哈～要死了，十年歷史的MRE，吃了會不會出事啊？XD

Fick在書裡提到Gunny Wynn，除了把他的豐功偉業說一遍外，還講到當初他得知到了1st Recon後，他的Platoon Sergeant是Wynn，他還特地打電話找了認識Wynn的前同事，探聽一下他的為人。他的前同事說，"Get on your knees and thank God. You got one of the best." (p.163) 哇，Fick真的賺到了，Gunny好棒喔！

Fick還在書裡提到了戴防毒面具跑步的事：

The gas attack alarm. Incoming missile. We stopped and pulled our gas masks from their canvas carrying cases. I was still breathing heavily as I slipped it over my head, and the sweat on my face steamed the eyepieces. Under the best circumstances, wearing a gas mask is like breathing through a straw. I felt ready to collapse.

Rudy started off again at at trot. We fell in behind him as a voice over the camp loudspeaker announced that the alarm had been only a test. But wearing the masks had become a test, and we kept them on. By the next day, the whole platoon was running in gas masks. It forced the Marines to get comfortable with them. Iraq's chemical threat was our biggest concern, but those runs convinced us that we could fight through a chemical attack. (p.172)

由此可見，美軍（至少大兵們）當時真的是真心相信伊拉克有WMD，甚至也很擔心自己的安危。

I expected the Marines to lose interest. These phrase were too alien, too detached from all prior experience, to resonate with them. But the Marines listened, and they learned. In the coming days, I heard Christeson speaking more Arabic than English. (p.179)

也提到了Marines跟Meesh學阿拉伯語，以便於必要時可以和當地人溝通。從Fick的字裡行間，是可以看出至少這些1st Recon的菁英們，是很認真在看待這件事的。而且Christeson好可愛～～(灑花)

還講到在科威特的Camp Matilda時，有個記者在吃飯的時候跟Fick搭話，希望從他嘴裡套出一些新聞的題材。

"C'mon, what unit you're with? Hometown? Name? Anything? I'm so excited to be here." I would have ignore him but for the discomfort for standing together for another 20 minutes. "First Reconnaissance Battalion," I said. "Oooh. Recon. You guys are special, right?" "Only to our mothers." (p. 183)

哈哈，你看，Fick反應真的很快吧。XD

在伊拉克第一次遭到埋伏過後....

And story telling. Every fight is refought afterward. Sometimes quietly, sometimes boisterously; sometimes with laughs, sometimes with tears. The telling and retelling are important. Platoons have institutional memory. They learn, and they change. Most of that learning happens after a firefight. Some officers squelched the stories, considering them unprofessional and distracting. I encourage them, as psychological unburdening and as improvised classrooms where we sharpened our blades for the next fight.

Combat is a form of vertigo. I was trained to thrive on chaos, but nothing prepared me for the fear of doubting my own senses. Frequently, I found that my memory of a firefight was just that -- mine. Afterward, five Marines told five different stories. (p.219)

所以Fick是鼓勵他的Marines將經歷說出來的，他認為這是一種心理上的解脫，同時Marines可以藉此學到東西，武裝自己的心智，為下一次的戰鬥做準備。但是他也知道，所聽到的所經歷的一切，都只是個人的感知，每個人的都不盡相同，不見得是真理。他對自己竟然懷疑起自己的經歷，而感到恐懼。

"Corporal Jacks labored intently. I watched his big dirty hands cleaning each small part with tenderness, even love." "Watching Jacks clean his gun before eating, sleeping, or cleaning himself, I saw a bit of of the essence of the Marine Corps, the spirit that has sustained young Marines in bad places for more than two hundred years."

"This was no idle patriotic reverie on my part, though. I was the kernel of a growing unwillingness to watch these Marines mistreated or wrongly employed by those with more power than experience. I cautioned myself not to pass judgment too quickly. As a platoon commander, I saw only a tiny piece of the puzzle." (p.221)

是不是有點難以想像Manimal清槍時，"with tenderness, even love." Fick又再次強調，即便是年輕的Marines，都是非常專業的，知道自己最重要的任務是什麼。但是...要當陸戰隊，好像註定就是要吃苦當吃補。也看得出來，Fick其實對整個指揮系統很失望。然而他又不斷提醒自己不過整個指揮系統中的最低階層，不一定看得見全局。這邊其實也呼應到GK影集第七集中Iceman、Lt. Fick和Reporter那段夜間偵查的戲。就算Fick對長官的決定有多麼不滿，他還是有意識到，也許他並不清楚真正的狀況。

在同一個時間點：

Colbert's Humvee had also been shot up. There were twenty-two bullet holes in it, including six in the door next to Evan Wright's seat. When I walked up, he was studying them with a kind of awe. "How you feeling, Evan?" I half-expected him to say he had enough information for his story and wanted to leave on the next resupply helicopter. "Embedded," he replied. "More embedded than I ever though I'd be." Espera put an arm around his shoulders. "But he's staying with us. dude's got ball."(p.221)

See，Evan其實真的是很有種的。只是Espera這樣說，在想會不會Evan其實本來想回家，被他這樣一說就不好意思了。XD 又想到之前GK DVD的評論中，Evan有提到，第一次埋伏過後，他就產生很奇怪的想法說服自己，經歷過這一次，他應該不會再碰到更可怕的事，也一定死不了了。自我催眠的力量真是偉大啊！XD

接著Fick接到命令，要開著夜車去攻佔機場：

The airfield, though, was east of the town on a road labeled Highway 17. It looked like forty or fifty miles of nighttime driving, without headlights, through enemy territory far forward of any American positions. Wynn turned to me with a resigned look and said, "Being in this battalion is like winning the lottery every fucking day." (p.233)

連Gunny Wynn都忍不住這樣說了，每每遇上長官給的不合理任務，身為在軍隊的一份子，根本無法抗命，所以常常可以看到Gunny這種無奈卻又精闢的句子啊。

When the Marines went back to their places on the line, they walked in groups of two or three. They would stand watch together, eat together, and joke together. But I was alone. I sat in the cab of the Humvee and watched them go. In Afghanistan, I had Jim and Patrick, my fellow lieutenants. Recon was different, more independent, and combat forged bonds within platoons, not across them. Gunny Wynn and I had passed the stage of purely professional teamwork and become friends. I confided in him my doubts about the war, the company, and members of the platoon. But never about myself. The events of the day overcame me all at once, and I struggled to breathe without crying.

As darkness fell over Qalat Sukkar, I sat alone in the dim green light of the radios. I felt sick for the shepherd boys, for the girls in the blue dress, and the other towns this war would consume. I hurt for my Marines, goodhearted American guys who’d bear these burdens for the rest of their lives. And I mourned for myself. Not in self-pity, but for the kid who’d come to Iraq. He was gone. I did all this in the dark, away from the platoon, because combat command is the loneliest job in the world. (p.243)

這段好像有點長，本來是想要刪減後貼出來的，但是有覺得沒有完整貼的話，好像感受不到Fick內心的掙扎和苦楚。這段文字在描述誤傷牧羊少年的事件發生後，Fick自己內心的想法。從影集和Evan Wright的GK原著裡看不出這件事對Fick有什麼影響，甚至從外人的角度看會覺得他理性地有點冷血。但是Fick自己在敘述這事件的角度，情緒是滿漲的，同時不斷自我懷疑，可是又努力要守護自己的信念。當事件結束後，他又寫出了自己寂寞不能為人所了解的一面，真的讓人很心疼。好可惜GK影集沒有參考Fick的OBA，要是讓Stark Sands有機會演到這一段，不知道我會不會爆掉哭出來啊...

呼～那今天就先這樣好了。